How Can We Approach a Necessary Divorce Wisely and Well
One of the things none of us ever expected to have to face when we were
young adults wearing custom-fitted, rose-colored glasses was leaving a
marriage. We've had no training in how to do it although most of us have
had the misfortune to observe how not to do it, up close and personal.
When our children are still at home the process becomes a great deal
harder. Divorce already looms as nearly impossible without our having to
face the fact that we don't know how to cope with our offspring's
present and future trauma, brought about by our mistakes.
What brings each person to the point of no return in a marriage is too
complicated to accept generalization. We all have different tolerances
for despair and even abuse. Long ago I read a book, whose title and
author have both since dimmed, that involved a study of how individuals
define a good marriage. The incredibly varying answers stretched from a
description of what most of us would see as terminal co-dependency to
the candid response that it is when no one cares any longer and peace
reigns. That said, now that we have come to The End, what do we do next?
One of the greatest deterrents to being able to face the music is the
loss of self-esteem. The person who has lost identity in a
non-supportive marriage, or who entered marriage already in that state
only to have it go from bad to worse, often has no idea how to move to
higher, safer ground. All too often, lack of self-worth in one or both
partners keeps a pathological union in place.