Successful Co-Parenting: How to Raise Happy, Healthy Kids with Your Ex
(Page 2)
A critical first step is to create a detailed vision, or clear mental
image, describing what you value that you would like to experience in
your co-parenting relationship, for you, your kids, and your Ex.
Step Two: Get On The Same Page
Do you share the same vision and want the same results? After you get
clear about your values and what you would like to experience, get
together with your co-parent and explore what they want. It's critical
that you keep at this dialog until you're just as sure that you each
understand what the other person wants as you are about what you want
yourself.
And remember to keep all strategies out of this part of the discussion.
They are important, but they come later.
After you each clearly understand what you both value about co-parenting
your children, then co-create a shared intention about what you want.
Start small but build big.
To begin with, it shouldn't be difficult for you and your Ex to agree
that you value your kids happiness, security, education, etc. List all
the things you both can easily agree that you value for your children.
Then you can start tossing out strategies like family meetings, but just
use these as opportunities to get to what you value. Keep adding to the
list of values that you can be on the same page about until you have a
WOW experience, like this: "Wow! If we could create that for our kids
I'd be overjoyed!" Then you know you've co-created a powerful
intention for your kid's future.
When you begin by getting on the same page, you pave the way for easy
agreements, successful results, and greater satisfaction for everyone
along the way.
Step Three: Negotiate
Will you take your own and your co-parent's needs into consideration?
Will you keep negotiating until both of you are satisfied? Do you know
the difference between negotiation and compromise? It's another
difference that is essential to understand for success in your
co-parenting relationship.
Compromise begins when you identify what everyone wants. Then you see
who's willing to give up part of what they want until everyone can live
with what's left. It is a lose-lose solution.
Compromise is based in scarcity thinking: the belief that there isn't
enough to go around, so you have to settle for whatever you can get in
order to get anything at all.
Negotiation, on the other hand, begins when you identify what everyone
values and then determine what's missing in the situation. Why don't you
have what you value now? Then you keep your attention focused on what
you value while you co-create strategies that will satisfy everyone.
Negotiation is based in abundance thinking: the belief that if we truly
understand the problem the perfect solution will present itself.